Saturday, February 23

Retro Review: Run, Run, As Fast As You Can...

Greetings B&W followers and happy Saturday. Well, as happy as it can be I suppose. I'm delightfully sick as a dog and have just reviewed an absolutely horrid NES game just for you guys. So let's step inside here and see what there is to say about Kid Kool and the Quest For the Seven Wonder Herbs.

Developed by Vic Tokai, the makers of one of my favorite NES games ever, Golgo 13, I went in on this one with somewhat high expectations. How bad could it be, really? Turns out it can be pretty bad indeed.

You are Kid Kool who looks absolutely nothing like the super cool guy on the cover (picture right) and your mission is to run as fast as you can around the world and collect the Seven Wonder Herbs for your King who has some unfortunate disease from which only the herbs can save him.

Kid Kool and the Quest for the Seven Herbs is a 2-D side-scroller, and feels like Mario got drunk at a frat party and retched this abhorrent piece of crap out in a final attempt to sober up. What I mean to say is the controls are god-awful. You can't control Kid Kool at all, he runs real fast but not until you run for a too-long period that will more than likely get you killed. Otherwise he crawls at the pace of a dead gerbil and jumps about as well as Dr. Phil playing basketball.

The graphics are pretty good though, everything looks nice and crisp and you can tell exactly what you can jump on, and what should be avoided at all costs. However, that's where the game goes downhill.

I did sort of enjoy the music. It's simple, catchy, and it'll get right on your nerves and stick with you the rest of the night while you scream blasphemes at your telly and consider joining a cult to end the misery.

There are bags of money cleverly hidden in plain, empty air in the best positions so that they throw you off on your timing and cause Kid Kool to get murdered by one of the three or four enemy sprites in the game. The money bags are useful though, at the end of each level there's a chance for a bonus game that's basically the same thing as press your luck. You can win a free 1-up if you are the most lucky bastard in the world.

Every now and then you find this little fur ball buddy of yours that you can throw around to kill enemies or keep it and give you an extra hit. Much like Mario's mushroom power-up. When I first got the little fluffer I pondered to myself why on earth would they put Kuriboh in an NES game. He is useful though, and will save you from enemies killing you, too bad that doesn't prevent all of the random pits, deep waters, spikes, and any other obstacle that blocks your attempt at winning.

Bosses are definitely interesting, and when I say interesting I mean repetitive and boring. You "fight" the bosses by jumping over them and pounding this stick into the ground that then kills the big baddies. I'm not sure why, it just does.

So let's finish this up, Kid Kool and the Quest for the Seven Wonder Herbs is a game that should be avoided at all costs. Unless you like brain aneurysms, then go for it.

Sound: 7/10
Graphics: 8/10
Controls: 2/10
Fun Factor: 4/10
Replay Ability: 2/10 (You'll never want to jam this cartridge back into your poor NES ever again.)

Overall: 4/10


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Sp3ctr said...

Ah man...and I thought this one looked..kool.. :P